(See map on left) Some topics are inextricably linked liked the cold weather, homelessness and how in NYC, we now have record homelessness--40% higher than last year and most are families with children who lost their homes because of the mortgage crisis. These types of conversations eventually produce the requisite lull and inspire moments of comfortable silence between two people that allows you to think about things in retrospective. Yesterday we had numerous moments of silence and I gave a lot of thought some many topics. Some of the topics I gave some thought to can be considered pretty abrasive or controversial. But the topics are a reality and we should be able to face it, acknowledge that it is something ugly that exists and in doing so, come up with a way of managing these situations. When all else fails you must cut your losses.Along the route one of the things that I thought about is that it is human nature to be selfish. We are all guilty of it at some level or another. Even when we give of ourselves, we expect something in return... whether it is acknowledgement, respect, loyalty... No one does anything altruistically and that's understood. I was once accused of helping around the house of a friend (as a handyman) because I wanted to make myself needed and indispensible. My feelings were hurt but I looked back and they were right. Still, that does not take away from the fact that I saved them a mint in repair costs and time. So now I am less of the volunteering kind unless I truly want to do the favorHowever, I am bothered by those who take and take and take... And yet they are so self absorbed and all about themselves that while given the opportunity they will not take a moment to reflect on all that they have received and give a little back. I have crossed paths with a few of these in my life time and I think its time to take stock. I refer to these as Alpha Parasites and they abound all over. They are in our families, our friends and colleagues. They constantly need a ride somewhere. They need help moving furniture or removing refuse. They want help with managing their finances or going through some complicated paperwork. But never once do they insist on you pulling into a gas station and pupmping $20 of gasoline into your tank. Nor do they offer to buy a cup of coffee or perhaps even some gum. I came up with a few of these types yesterday while walking and decided that they had to be cut. (More on the cutting process later)
Then you have friends of friends. These are very tricky. Sometimes you hit it off with them and things can be ok. But other times inevitably they will feel that you are in direct competition with them for the time and friendship of the friend in common. They adopt Rasputin-like qualities and in the end, will undermine your relationship with the person you first became acquainted with. They have no life. Everything they do revolves around the common friend's activities. They have no other significant friends and chose to be involved in unhealthy, self-destructive intimate relationships. These relationships can be with domineering, abusive individuals or with someone who is already in another relationship. They will do everything in their power to destroy that relationship so that the individual will end up with them but more likely it does not work. So they turn their focus on to the friend in common and begin to undermine you relationship with that person until the individual is convinced that Rasputin is right. Those who know them will either accept their machiavellian manners or shut them out as well. I refer to these as Rasputin Parasites.
Finally, there are those that only come to you once or twice a year when they need something. It can be that bottle of Puerto Rican "egg nog" or as we call it coquito. It can be because they are moving and need an extra set of hands. It may be because they need to be picked up in the airport at midnight and you are the only one who can make the trip. Yes... there are people you do not hear from months at a time and then suddenly call you. After 30 minutes of catching up, they will manage to segue the conversation towards and upcoming trip and spring the trap on you to see if you fall. I did once... never again. These are what I refer to as Leech Parasites. They latch on to you opportunistically and once they suck off all the blood they can from you they will let go and never see them again until they need from you.
There are many more types of parasitic behavior in our society. Luckily its not always that bad. We also are lucky to have good friends and families who enrich our lives with their presence and for that we are grateful. But for those who only live off the lives of others, they get cut off. Having come across a few of these in my life and especially in the last year, I actually started this process unknowingly four weeks ago and it is great. Its a very simple process. Today you can accomplish it very effectively.
Step 1: Delete the person from all your chat programs. If you have the ability to block them, do it. Never hear from them again.
Step 2: Delete the person from your internet address book. Again if you have the ability to block them, do it. Or place them in the SPAM list.
Step 3: Delete them or deny them access to your personal web pages and blogs. Many of them are so selfish that they will think there must be some kind of computer kink.
Step 4: Delete the person from your cellphone address file or type D.N.A. (Do Not Answer) on their name/number.
Step 5: Save all compromising pics you have found on these individuals over time. A little leverage will go along way in ensuring they DO NOT approach you again.
Its simple to do and we can attain much peace of mind when we do things that will rid our lives of intrusive and disruptive individuals.
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